?

Log in

No account? Create an account

:(

I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing
Just praying to a god that I don't believe in
Cause I got time while she got freedom
Cause when a heart breaks no it don't break even

The best days of a summer far worse
She'll find a man and a man who's gonna put her first
While I'm wide awake shes no trouble sleeping
Cause when a heart breaks no it don't break even
What am I supposed to do when the best part of me was always you
What am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up and you're ok
I'm falling to pieces yeah
I'm falling to pieces

They say that things happen for a reason
But no wise words gonna stop the bleeding
Cause she's moved on while I'm still grieving
And when a heart breaks no it don't break even, even ohhhh
And what am I gonna do when the best part of me was always you
And what am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up that you're ok
I'm falling to pieces
I'm still alive but the other one's leaving
Cause when a heart breaks no it don't break even

Oh you got his heart and my heart and none of the pain
you took the suitcase - I took the blame
Now I'm trying to make sense of what little remains
Oh cos you left me with no love in order to remain
I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing
Just praying to a god that I don't believe in
Cause I got time while she got freedom
Cause when a heart breaks no it don't break no it don't break no it don't break even

And when a heart breaks no it don't break even, even
And what am I supposed to do when the best part of me was always you
I'm falling to pieces
I'm still alive but the other one's leaving.
I'm falling to pieces
Cause when a heart breaks no it don't break even
Oh it don't break even no, it don't break even no
It don't break even no
i. am. taking. control. of. my. life.

that's it.
Time to make some real decisions and be happy finally.
All I want is to cuddle with him <3

And with one kiss we begin.

Here goes nothing.

Dec. 28th, 2009

Distracting myself the only way I know how: planning vacations.
1. Dominican Republic.
2. Disney with the Sister.
3. Vegas to live the life.

Yup.

Today:

1. I hate school.
2. I hate the windbag (Dee, you'll get that).
3. I'm hungry and my stomach is grumbling.
4. Last night through and through sent me for a whirlwind, I'll pay for it today.
5. I need to make a change.
6. I have so much work to do it's not even funny.
7. I'm getting food ASAP.

That's all for now.

It's been a long long time.

I'm leaving this post public because I know that you have scoured my LiveJournal in the past with hopes of keeping tabs on my life and what I'm doing. I had a break down last night, in front of a good majority of my friends, and it's your fault. I feel like you need to know this. You need to understand the severity of what you did to me, and how it continues to effect me.

I'm dating someone who had to bear the brunt of my anger and overwhelming emotion I've built up over you and it wasn't fair to him at all. A comment was made regarding how he should act towards me, it was made as a joke, but I freaked and got defensive and made him feel like shit. All because you didn't ever treat me right. In fact you treated me the worst way you could ever treat another person, especially someone you're dating.

It's so much more than never buying me flowers or ruining Valentine's Day for 4 years straight, it's about the nights and countless days that you made me feel like I wasn't good enough. It's about how you slammed your car door into me, almost hit me with your car, screamed at me, demeaned me and made me feel like less than I was. These are the burdens that I still carry on my shoulders and I doubt that they'll ever be completely gone from my mind.

Because of you I am paranoid that every guy will just crush me like you did, that maybe that's how I really deserve to be treated. I am petrified that the pattern of being abused on all the levels that you abused me will become common place. Rationally, I know that these fears are just childish insecurities that aren't actually true, and I know this because I've had guys treat me better than you did already and they were just friends not even necessarily people I was dating.

I just need you to realize how badly you've messed me up and that it's not fair to me in any way shape or form. You never fully apologized I feel, and honestly I think I deserved at least that. Though now I suppose it's too late because I really have no desire to see you or talk to you. It just kills me to know that I might never be fully over this and that I have no control over that. I hope your happy and I pray that you're treating Bernadette better than you ever treated me.

Ugh.

If I hear that I look like Lindsay Lohan one more time, I just may freak out.


That is all.